My Attitude
Lately I have been saying some really dumb things to my friends. I have taken my fear of being worthless and allowed it to control me in a negative way. I have been REALLY rude to some of my friends who are parents. Saying things like, "I would just do it this way." Like I am some parental expert.
I just blurt out what I think before I know if it is even appropriate. I expect that since I do things some certain way it must be right. I meet new people and assume that I have something to teach them. I rarely look at people hoping to learn from them.
I have always felt really uncomfortable around people who think they are better than me. I have no respect for someone who pushed their way on me.
Yet, after something I said last night to a friend, I began to realize that my attitude of superiority has become to ingrained in my personality, and that I have accepted it as who I am and people just have to like me for me. Right?
Absolutely not. This morning GOD showed me a mental picture of my heart. HE was talking about my spiritual heart but it looked like a real heart and a surgeon was pulling a black gunky tumor out of it. It was disgusting.
GOD told me that my center has been on HIM. Many things about my heart were functioning properly, but there was this tumor that was growing and it was threatening my ability to function. It was this angry part of my personality. Gross and sticky, attaching itself to my center focus and causing me to expect things for myself that are not GOD centered.
Like expecting that everyone would like me. Or acting like what I have to offer others is more important than who they are. A friend hit it on the head this week when she told me that I am hard to take sometimes.
Well, I continue to recognize this is a wrong attitude and I will not guarantee that I am cured of this. You know that when a tumor is removed there is always a possibility that they didn't get it all and that what is left may grow again into another tumor. But I have continued to ask GOD to work in me to change me to the women of peace and kindness.
Also, I need to apologize to those who I have offended. I am so sorry to act like I am so important. You are amazing people. I am encouraged by your stories and your daily activities. I love you dear friends.
I just blurt out what I think before I know if it is even appropriate. I expect that since I do things some certain way it must be right. I meet new people and assume that I have something to teach them. I rarely look at people hoping to learn from them.
I have always felt really uncomfortable around people who think they are better than me. I have no respect for someone who pushed their way on me.
Yet, after something I said last night to a friend, I began to realize that my attitude of superiority has become to ingrained in my personality, and that I have accepted it as who I am and people just have to like me for me. Right?
Absolutely not. This morning GOD showed me a mental picture of my heart. HE was talking about my spiritual heart but it looked like a real heart and a surgeon was pulling a black gunky tumor out of it. It was disgusting.
GOD told me that my center has been on HIM. Many things about my heart were functioning properly, but there was this tumor that was growing and it was threatening my ability to function. It was this angry part of my personality. Gross and sticky, attaching itself to my center focus and causing me to expect things for myself that are not GOD centered.
Like expecting that everyone would like me. Or acting like what I have to offer others is more important than who they are. A friend hit it on the head this week when she told me that I am hard to take sometimes.
Well, I continue to recognize this is a wrong attitude and I will not guarantee that I am cured of this. You know that when a tumor is removed there is always a possibility that they didn't get it all and that what is left may grow again into another tumor. But I have continued to ask GOD to work in me to change me to the women of peace and kindness.
Also, I need to apologize to those who I have offended. I am so sorry to act like I am so important. You are amazing people. I am encouraged by your stories and your daily activities. I love you dear friends.
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