We All Matter

Earlier this week I was out and about, running errands for my family. As I was at Aldi's there was a man shopping, and we kept meeting in the aisles going the opposite direction of each other.

I began to notice that he had an attitude of defiance and superiority. He was walking next to his cart down each aisle, blocking most of the way. I had to pull my cart to the edge, as close as I could get it, so he could pass.

He wouldn't make eye contact with me. I just kept smiling everytime I saw him. After about the third pass, I realized that he had it out for me for some reason. He was taking more space at each pass. Sometimes I had to stop to let him pass and then I had to back up out of the aisle, so he could get through.

I immediatly started thinking about earlier encounters in the store. Had I been insensitive in some way? But then I realized that my cowering each time, had emboldened him. He was getting more defiant with each pass. He would be shopping along, seemingly just fine, then I would round the corner, and he would tense up, and puff himself up to take up as much space as he could.

Once I figured out that I didn't deserve this punishment he was doling out. I stopped paying attention to him, and what he was doing. I just continued on my way. Treating everyone I passed as people who were seen. I owned my own space, because I am a person too. I stopped cowering, and just got my shopping done. I smiled, and nodded, and said pleasent things to everyone. I let a man who had an armful of stuff go ahead of me at the checkout. I don't even know what happened to that man. I can't remember if we continue to pass each other the rest of my time in the store.

When I focus on my inadequacies I shrink. I hide. I can barely move forward, because I feel like everyone else deserves to be there more than me. I find all that is wrong with me, and it seems like it is on display for everyone. I'm embarrassed of my very existance.

This is a symptom of abuse, but it doesn't have to be me. I don't have to shrink or hide. I am a person too. We are all equal. Which means that I matter too.

But just as importantly, this revelation doesn't give me the right to be defiant when others mistreat me, so I definitely need to keep my heart in check. It is really easy to get jaded. I also have to remember that I am no better than anyone, including the person mistreating me. We all matter.

I will go out today and strive to treat everyone I meet with respect. That doesn't mean that I am not going to make mistakes. It's possible that I may not have noticed that man behind me or something. I could have been standing in a spot for way too long, blocking his way. He could have felt unseen. So when I make those mistakes, I will be respectful and apologize with sincerity.