Really down
My life has been a swirling whirlpool lately. I feel like I have been moving yet somehow I feel like I have wasted so many days. I get here so often. I look around me and see a house that has half done projects and a list of family and friends that I need to connect with. (On a deeper level) I feel like I am so inadequate. I feel like I should just quite trying because no one really likes me.
I look at all of those feelings and see how they relate to each other. They are an attitude of defeat. Not an attitude, but a spirit of defeat. I review my walk day by day and find that I have not taken the time to really praise my GOD for who HE is and who HE has been to me.
I stop and see that I am trying to be amazing. I so desperately want others to be amazed by me. I want praise! I want affirmation! I want to be the one that people name drop about. "I know Kellie...bla, bla bla" how empty. Why LORD? Why do I need PEOPLE to tell me what YOU comfort me with all the time? Why do I question that YOU care?
I know I have issues. I know that I am not perfect. This forcing my pretend perfection on those around me is only hurting YOU. It makes me discredit YOUR work in me. I am so sorry. Oh my GOD, YOU deserve more than a blabbering glory stealer.
Oh, GOD my GOD how excellent is YOUR name in all the earth. JEHOVAH. Thank YOU for promising to complete a good work because I know you started one in me. I continue to receive your teachings with open arms. Please be patient with this mortal. I love YOU more than words can express.
I look at all of those feelings and see how they relate to each other. They are an attitude of defeat. Not an attitude, but a spirit of defeat. I review my walk day by day and find that I have not taken the time to really praise my GOD for who HE is and who HE has been to me.
I stop and see that I am trying to be amazing. I so desperately want others to be amazed by me. I want praise! I want affirmation! I want to be the one that people name drop about. "I know Kellie...bla, bla bla" how empty. Why LORD? Why do I need PEOPLE to tell me what YOU comfort me with all the time? Why do I question that YOU care?
I know I have issues. I know that I am not perfect. This forcing my pretend perfection on those around me is only hurting YOU. It makes me discredit YOUR work in me. I am so sorry. Oh my GOD, YOU deserve more than a blabbering glory stealer.
Oh, GOD my GOD how excellent is YOUR name in all the earth. JEHOVAH. Thank YOU for promising to complete a good work because I know you started one in me. I continue to receive your teachings with open arms. Please be patient with this mortal. I love YOU more than words can express.
Comments
Remember those first four words from Purpose Driven Life.
It's not about you.
Praying you find peace.
I'm still messy, I still forget to call people, I still feed my family processed food, but the difference is the perspective. When you allow yourself to say "screw it" to the things that don't matter so much in the long run, you are able to relax and enjoy the things that do.
I know I don't know you all that well, but the times I have had the privilege of hanging out with you I have always walked away with a smile stuck in my heart. I love that you have such a warm spirit about you and you have an amazing ability to make people feel that they are accepted and welcome as they are.
If you're a reader I could loan you a couple great books that helped me with this subject. Let me know. And sorry, I leave long comments sometimes :)
I name drop you all the time! I think you are selling yourself short. You are a GREAT person.
Huggs!
C