Family Issues
I have never posted stuff like this. I have never felt led to just air my faimlies laundry, dirty or otherwise. DH and I however are going through something that is heavy on our hearts.
DH has a cousin who lives about 2 1/2 hours away. This cousin is having a hard life. In October of 2004 after having a son he got married. DH and I felt a pull to these wonderful yet hard life people. She already had two other children. One of whom lived with her mother and the other a little girl who is full of joyful energy.
From the beginning we heard nothing but negative words of failure for this relationship from family. "Oh, I hope they can stay together for the kids." and "They're kinda stuck together now because of the baby." You may not see that as negitave words, but I see it as how the family approached the relationship. Somehow the HOLY SPIRIT was calling DH and I to be a support and become friends with this couple.
It wasn't hard they are very likeable. She and I, although we don't have many interests in common, speak the same language. We understand each other as, like Anne Shirley said in Lucy Maude Montgomery's Anne of Green Gables, "kindred spirits." That is hard to find in friends. She is also very common sense. I love that. He is just a huge teddy bear. And I mean Huge. He is over 6 feet and as big around as a bear. But he has the most wonderful laugh, and such a joyful disposition. He is a very down to earth kind of person and my DH gets along with him well.
This February they went to Hawaii for a belated honymoon. DH and I kept the kids for 15 days until they came back. Not long after that we heard that they were getting a divorce. I have to say that we had not been in contact with them like we should if we were friends. We didn't hear about it until a long time into the situation.
At first I didn't want to believe it could truely be the only option. I was praying so hard that they would come around. I also knew that it was the devil ripping, another thing that GOD had placed together, apart. I was so angry at him and I didn't want to accept the defeat. But that was not my place to accept or refuse. It was not my relationship.
We started hearing that things were getting nasty. I called her to tell her that she needed to understand that it wasn't just the two of them doing battle it was a spiritual battel and she needed to fight against the irrational issues going on. And by fight I didn't say physically, 'cause I know that we don't battle against flesh and blood. I told her to in her spirit not accept the negative things happening. Then I prayed. I have to admit that after time passed and I hadn't kept in touch I lost the passion for the prayer and my stuff of life took over in my prayer time. I forgot to pray and the issue just dropped from my thoughts.
Last weekend Cousin came for a visit to his sisters house (she lives near us). He brought his son. We hadn't been in contact in a few weeks, maybe a month, and we were glad to see him and the little one who is getting so big :). Again we heard of some nasty things going on and it hurt our hearts.
My DH came up to me on Monday and said that he felt we needed to go talk to the couple. Separate at first and then, hopefully, together. So we made plans to go up on Wensday. We prayed, we asked our friends and family for prayer, we fasted, and we discussed what it was that the HOLY SPIRIT wanted us to accomplish.
Just this, first of all, Peace. Peace for the two of them individually and peace so that the kids would not be in any more distress. HE wanted us to impress on them the importance of forgiveness, truth, and peace. HE laid it on my DH's heart to cultivate a relationship with cousin and just be there for cousin to talk to and just be a friend. It was difficult to do because we knew that our motives could be misunderstood. We also knew that the family may not see the real reason for us going.
It has been a hard week. We had a bridal shower for my sister-in-law today. Yesterday both of my sisters-in-law wanted to talk to us. Buzzers going off in my head. I knew that DH's grandparents were here from Flordia, and his aunt who is cousin's mom was up from New Mexico. Just as we thought, our motives were misunderstood. The family is questioning why we are stirring up trouble.
Some things happened after DH's and my visit that caused them to question what I had said to make the ex-wife be so mean. Actually, what was said to have happened never even happened.
Little one was supposed to spend this next week with aunt, but cousin told her that ex was not allowing it to happen. I had called ex just to talk and found that they were going out of town by passing right by our house, but they needed to find a babysitter first so I offered to keep both little one and his sister for the night. Ex said, "Hey that would be great then you can just give Little one to his grandma 'cause she is supposed to have him for the week." She had no idea that she had apparently said he wasn't coming.
DH and I kept saying before the visit that we knew this might be hard but we were obeying the HOLY SPIRIT'S prompting and that that was what was right. We had no motive except to try to bring peace to the situation, and keep this whole extended family from being split. I saw the split coming and now I feel like they think we caused it. Sheesh.
DH's family is so important to him. He loves family get-togethers. They always got together when he was a kid. They had a cottage that they went to every weekend in the summer and they were very close. This is getting very discouraging.
I know that the devil will try any thing he can to keep us from doing GOD'S will and I knew that discouragement would be one of his tools. I will continue to follow HIS leading and complete the task HE has put before me. I actually love this task because HE has given me two wonderful friends out of this. We are just going through a hard time. But all hard times pass, and we will all be stronger on the other side.
I ask you to pray that DH will keep up the race that he will seek GOD'S strength, and that this will not damage his lifelong relationships with his family. I love him dearly and I don't want him to lose the family he holds so dear. I ask you to pray for the situation, that DH and I will be commited to speaking the truth to this couple and to the extended family. Thank you for your prayers.
DH has a cousin who lives about 2 1/2 hours away. This cousin is having a hard life. In October of 2004 after having a son he got married. DH and I felt a pull to these wonderful yet hard life people. She already had two other children. One of whom lived with her mother and the other a little girl who is full of joyful energy.
From the beginning we heard nothing but negative words of failure for this relationship from family. "Oh, I hope they can stay together for the kids." and "They're kinda stuck together now because of the baby." You may not see that as negitave words, but I see it as how the family approached the relationship. Somehow the HOLY SPIRIT was calling DH and I to be a support and become friends with this couple.
It wasn't hard they are very likeable. She and I, although we don't have many interests in common, speak the same language. We understand each other as, like Anne Shirley said in Lucy Maude Montgomery's Anne of Green Gables, "kindred spirits." That is hard to find in friends. She is also very common sense. I love that. He is just a huge teddy bear. And I mean Huge. He is over 6 feet and as big around as a bear. But he has the most wonderful laugh, and such a joyful disposition. He is a very down to earth kind of person and my DH gets along with him well.
This February they went to Hawaii for a belated honymoon. DH and I kept the kids for 15 days until they came back. Not long after that we heard that they were getting a divorce. I have to say that we had not been in contact with them like we should if we were friends. We didn't hear about it until a long time into the situation.
At first I didn't want to believe it could truely be the only option. I was praying so hard that they would come around. I also knew that it was the devil ripping, another thing that GOD had placed together, apart. I was so angry at him and I didn't want to accept the defeat. But that was not my place to accept or refuse. It was not my relationship.
We started hearing that things were getting nasty. I called her to tell her that she needed to understand that it wasn't just the two of them doing battle it was a spiritual battel and she needed to fight against the irrational issues going on. And by fight I didn't say physically, 'cause I know that we don't battle against flesh and blood. I told her to in her spirit not accept the negative things happening. Then I prayed. I have to admit that after time passed and I hadn't kept in touch I lost the passion for the prayer and my stuff of life took over in my prayer time. I forgot to pray and the issue just dropped from my thoughts.
Last weekend Cousin came for a visit to his sisters house (she lives near us). He brought his son. We hadn't been in contact in a few weeks, maybe a month, and we were glad to see him and the little one who is getting so big :). Again we heard of some nasty things going on and it hurt our hearts.
My DH came up to me on Monday and said that he felt we needed to go talk to the couple. Separate at first and then, hopefully, together. So we made plans to go up on Wensday. We prayed, we asked our friends and family for prayer, we fasted, and we discussed what it was that the HOLY SPIRIT wanted us to accomplish.
Just this, first of all, Peace. Peace for the two of them individually and peace so that the kids would not be in any more distress. HE wanted us to impress on them the importance of forgiveness, truth, and peace. HE laid it on my DH's heart to cultivate a relationship with cousin and just be there for cousin to talk to and just be a friend. It was difficult to do because we knew that our motives could be misunderstood. We also knew that the family may not see the real reason for us going.
It has been a hard week. We had a bridal shower for my sister-in-law today. Yesterday both of my sisters-in-law wanted to talk to us. Buzzers going off in my head. I knew that DH's grandparents were here from Flordia, and his aunt who is cousin's mom was up from New Mexico. Just as we thought, our motives were misunderstood. The family is questioning why we are stirring up trouble.
Some things happened after DH's and my visit that caused them to question what I had said to make the ex-wife be so mean. Actually, what was said to have happened never even happened.
Little one was supposed to spend this next week with aunt, but cousin told her that ex was not allowing it to happen. I had called ex just to talk and found that they were going out of town by passing right by our house, but they needed to find a babysitter first so I offered to keep both little one and his sister for the night. Ex said, "Hey that would be great then you can just give Little one to his grandma 'cause she is supposed to have him for the week." She had no idea that she had apparently said he wasn't coming.
DH and I kept saying before the visit that we knew this might be hard but we were obeying the HOLY SPIRIT'S prompting and that that was what was right. We had no motive except to try to bring peace to the situation, and keep this whole extended family from being split. I saw the split coming and now I feel like they think we caused it. Sheesh.
DH's family is so important to him. He loves family get-togethers. They always got together when he was a kid. They had a cottage that they went to every weekend in the summer and they were very close. This is getting very discouraging.
I know that the devil will try any thing he can to keep us from doing GOD'S will and I knew that discouragement would be one of his tools. I will continue to follow HIS leading and complete the task HE has put before me. I actually love this task because HE has given me two wonderful friends out of this. We are just going through a hard time. But all hard times pass, and we will all be stronger on the other side.
I ask you to pray that DH will keep up the race that he will seek GOD'S strength, and that this will not damage his lifelong relationships with his family. I love him dearly and I don't want him to lose the family he holds so dear. I ask you to pray for the situation, that DH and I will be commited to speaking the truth to this couple and to the extended family. Thank you for your prayers.
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